Life is a Revelation…be encouraged

From Those Who Comment…

This post is purely inspired by those who commented on Lying–Maybe…Maybe Not.

Lem Usita writes at His post show a deft knowledge of leadership and how it ought to work. Her posts are filled with practical, rubber-meets-the-road type of information that I personally crave. I am the just-tell-me-what-to-do-and get out-of-the-way kind of guy, and Lem tells you what and how to do it. He wrote:

You bring up an interesting idea for me – this idea that lying takes on different forms depending on your stage of development – pick your developmental theory. I need to think about what a lie looks like in light of this. Do you have any articles that talk about this?
Thanks for the post.

I responded with:

Lem, first of all let me say how much I enjoy your posts regarding leadership. I would like to swap a few emails, or even a phone call or two , to discuss my experiences in leadership development at a Global 100 manufacturing firm. I think you’ll find the stories interesting.

Developmental theories are kind of like a bad haircut, everyone has had one, but their idea of what it is differs widely. Lying when we are younger is often seen as punishment avoidance. Q.-Did you spill the milk? A.-No way, the cat did it. As we age lying is the result of peer acceptance or is seen as a useful tool to gain something. Such as Q.-Hey Dad, can I have the car keys? A./Q.-Did you get your room cleaned like your Mom asked? A.-Yeah, pretty much (Reality-room looks like a bomb went off in it, but you told the guys it would be no problem getting your Dad’s car and promised to pick them up at 6:00). By the time you have graduated from college and entered the work force, the lies start to look more like CYA. Q.-Did you get the Jones Report done? A.-Yeah, you’ll have it on your desk when you arrive in the morning. (Reality-What the hell is the Jones report?)

If you look at Maslow and Metamotivation, is it possible we are seeking fulfillment of our Being Needs via lying through our teeth?

I don’t have any articles which speak directly about what I’ve written. However, I have pulled from Psychology Journals, books, magazines, newspapers, and friends who I have bombarded with questions, concepts, and theories. While sitting around having a few beers I have often pulled the topic of our conversation from whether the Yankees will pull it together to make another run for the pennant to when do our dreams become reality?

I drive my friends nuts, but as long as I’m buying, they seem to hang around. lol

My email is Give me a holler and maybe we can exchange phone numbers. By the way…what do you think…when do dreams become reality?

Another comment I received was from 5kidsmom. She writes at Her writing is clear, pure and cleverly insightful. I have always deeply enjoyed her thought process and delivery. Also in the interest of honesty; her and I have discovered we share remarkably similar, yet different perspectives, so we have agreed to collaborate on a book. She wrote th:

oh my….
>>>>>”Some men (not all, ;) have to lie about ‘WHY’ they lie!!<<<<<<
Rack ’em up boys!! Keep lying about why you’re lying, we’re listening LOL! What he doesn’t realize is….while little boys are lying to their mothers, (???FEAR??) little girls are being taught by their fathers, BOYS LIE!
Too late MacIntyre—-we’re onto you, and just like you, we started ‘getting it’, from a very young age!! That’s no lie ;) One more thing, boys lying to their Mom’s didn’t really make life easier, it probably just sparred them the consequences. So come on guys, you lie because you’re afraid of the wrath lol!

I responded:

Gosh, this lying thing has started our own little personal firestorm. Why? Well probably for two reasons. 1.) We all do it. We aren’t exactly proud of that fact. We don’t go around saying, “Alright! I just told another whopper!” Truth is we are ashamed. We are ashamed, because even after all we’ve been taught (programmed?) we still know it is wrong. 2.) We have all been lied to and it is frustrating. It hurts and we clearly understand the world (shoot, forget the world, even our little lives) would be a better place if everyone would stop.

Boys lie to girls, girls lie to boys, men lie to women, women lie to men, men lie to men, women lie to women, employees lie to bosses, bosses lie to employees, companies lie to customers, customers lie to companies, races lie to other races, nations lie to other nations, and I’m relatively confident if the human race ever encounters extra terrestrials, we will lie to them too.

So the bottom line is, “What do we do?”

This is too good for just a reply. I’m going to take this out and put it on the big screen. I will have a post forthwith, which will answer the question, “What do we do?”


Here is what I propose:





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11 thoughts on “From Those Who Comment…

    • You know…that is funny…thanks.

      OK, but lets fire up those emails and set the world on fire.

      Be encouraged!

      • I have a hard time understanding why so many people have issues with honesty. It just doesn’t compute with me, but your right some people need to ease into it by having a offical No Lie Day. I’m all about it 🙂

      • I wish I didn’t have any issues with honesty, but the truth is I have had some major issues with it in my life. While it is a work in progress…no one has ever worked harder.

        hanks for taking the time to comment…and great blog…I’ve enjoyed reading your ideas.

        Be encouraged!

  1. Hey Stephen,
    Great post and really a great subject to talk about.
    In my life I used to lie, it started as a child, I would lie to my parents to avoid getting in trouble, which only got me in more trouble.
    It continued into my high school years because I so wanted to be popular, well it didn’t work there either.
    Did I learn from it? Not until I was 28 my Mom had passed away and a few months later my wife filed for divorce.
    In my misery I took a good hard look at myself and decided, with a fresh lease on life if you will (not my Mom passing but being single again) That I would go the way of being honest, if people didn’t like me for who I truly was, then I probably didn’t need them in my life anyways.
    Let me tell you it was a liberating experience and that is when I truly started living.

    • Hi Jim, I remember my first lie. I was in the second grade, I finally confessed to my Mom, who said she was going to tell Dad. A couple of days went by and nothing. Not a thing. After a week I figured it was off the radar, then my Dad, said, “Bud, you lied a couple of days ago. Don’t do it again.” You are kidding me…that was it…I would get yelled at and my butt swatted for having mud on my shoes in the house…for lying he was going to tell me to not do it again in a soft easy voice…huh, must not be such a bad thing to do after all. The die was cast. The next 30+ years of my life I lied about every thing under the Sun. Only as an adult, with the shattered remains of what you would have to be very generous to call a life, did I realize the only one I was really lying to was myself.

      Still it isn’t easy sometimes. But when I think about lying or embellishing a sentence, loud alarms go off inside my head and I know to rein it in. Its childish, but it works.

      Jim, thanks for writing. I have looked at a few of your posts and I like your open and honest style. Don’t change…we need you.

      Be encouraged!

  2. Stephen,
    Thanks so much that is one of the nicest things anyone has every said to me, honestly

  3. Oh, me.
    Was the date a lie? Or is this all a joke? I think today is Monday, 23, April, making Wednesday, 20, an impossibility? I’m not getting it. Well, the truth is, I think you made a mistake and no one caught it but me, which I find horrendous, since it implies no one cares about the new proclamation.
    However, I would enjoy a rational discussion about the topic of lying. That’s the truth. The operational word is “rational”.
    Also, as a writer, I think using flowery words when we lack grammar skills is a form of lying, sort of like wearing makeup to appear to be other than what we are. In this society, the makeup is usually accepted as similar to wearing clothing, but the false vocab to cover faulty grammar is often considered more like wearing transparent clothing or gaudy makeup.
    Just sayin’. Actually, not sayin’ what I mean, totally, clearly, just in case it’s indecipherable and I’ll look innocent.
    Oh, and thanks, I’m sure, for subscriting to my site.

    • The date was intentionally misleading to prove a point that was made in the following post…and you were the second one to catch it.

      I’m not sure what to make of your comment regarding ‘using flowery words when we lack grammar skills is a form of lying.” If we lack the skills, what are we supposed to do? I’m thinking we need to know we lack the skills, before we can attain the skills. If someone is operating out of ignorance I have no problem with that…in fact I have done so myself on more occasions than I would like to recall. However, once someone knows the truth, then decides to disregard it and perpetrate a lie, well then I’m afraid we have issues.

      You are right about a “rational” discussion about lying. My hope in starting these conversations was to create a buzz. I wanted people to begin to think about how lying goes on in our culture/society and how we have, arguably for the most part, generally accepted it as part of life.

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. As busy as our lives are today, I am always pleased when someone takes the time to engage.

      Be encouraged!

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