Life is a Revelation…be encouraged

They Smile In Your Face

They Smile In Your Face

In the corporate world there is a word used to describe a most unpleasant event. According to a survey of 250 advertising and marketing executives, conducted by The Creative Group, an advertising and marketing staffing company, over 50% had the dubious honor of experiencing this nefarious act. I suspect that among the rank and file the actual percentage would be even higher. During my own tenure in the corporate world I faced it often. The R & B group, The O’Jays had their first million dollar hit with a song about it:

What they do

They smile in your face

All the time they want to take your place

the backstabbers

We are talking backstabbing. The practice of criticizing someone without their knowledge while feigning friendship and fidelity to their face. Some take great pleasure in their ability to deceive. They feel empowered and talk about how they were able to “take out” the competition. Others are quieter, they operate on the fringe and in the shadows. They appear as friends, but it is just a ruse to cover their true intentions.

And it’s not only in the workplace, but also in our homes, our marriages (who would have thought?), our children, our families, our schools, our friends, our civic organizations, our politics (boggles the mind doesn’t it?), and our churches. The truth is backstabbing has become a part of our culture. It is a factor of our lives. We literally can not find an area that has not suffered from backstabbing.

What makes this so painful for the victim is the violation of trust and confidence. This betrayal of trust can be so acute that Jennifer Freyd first coined the phrase “betrayal trauma” back in 1994 to describe the effect on the victim. Since she first used this phrase an entire theory has been developed and put forth that defines the inner workings of the brain when an individual has been backstabbed and the attending psychological backflips the person initiates to shelter themselves from the mental pain.

Like most, I’ve been victimized more times than I care to think about. But, I am not the type of person who wants to throw up a number of defensive actions to protect myself from future backstabbing. I’m cautious, I don’t want to be stabbed again, but I’m not focused on making sure all my bases are covered either. Plus I don’t want hold people at length. This world already has enough of that. I want to be open. If I’m going to error, I want it to be on the side of grace.

Without picking at old wounds, tell me how you deal with it. Are you still trusting? What are you doing to insure you are not victimized again? Is it hard to trust? As always, I look forward to hearing from you.

Be encouraged!

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14 thoughts on “They Smile In Your Face

  1. Your posts always make you think, and I nominate you for a Versatile Blogger Award. Hope I am doing this correctly 🙂

    • I am sure you are doing it correctly…any way, who actually knows? 🙂

      Big huge thank you Lynne…I am not sure what got into you for you to decide to nominate me, but I hope you recover soon…lol.

      Be encouraged!

  2. This has been one of the most hurtful things in my life, because I’ve dealt with it in such a personal way more than once. The Bible says, “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who despitefully use you.” I honestly do that. The sting though, of this can really be felt so deeply. It can make it difficult to trust anyone again. But I do, in the end. You do have to heed warning signs I think, but they can be harder to see, the closer someone is to you. Maybe not harder to see, but harder to want to accept might be more accurate.

    I don’t really know how I go on from it. Just that I do. I trust God, refuse to hate, and I just go on.

  3. Without knowing the details of Anne’s situation it sounds like my own. the person who betrayed me was my closest friend, my sister. It was devastating and I learned things that made me feel so niave – so incredibly hurtful.
    I still love my sister and I forgive her but I will never trust her again and I no longer can have a relationship with her. The Savior said to love one another, he didn’t say put yourself in a situation where you will be abused. If a person is constantly getting hurt there is no way they can reach their potential, be happy and do God’s will. It’s enough to forgive. It’s unhealthy to stay where you are forever being hurt and abused. We’re not here to be punching bags. Move on.

    • Absolutely right…I don’t believe He who put Himself on a cross and tells us we are healed by His stripes would want us to be in an abusive hurtful environment.

      I hope all is going well with you and yours.

      Be encouraged!

  4. I do not dwell on what came before; I only know to look forward. Of course everyone has been hurt one way or another but it’s wasted energy to dwell on it.

  5. Unfortunately the world is full of people who do this. But ultimately what goes around comes around.

    • You are right Russell…but I think the key word there is “ultimately.”

      Good to hear from you again..hoping everything is well with you and yours on the other side of the world.

      Be encouraged!

  6. i think i am quite similar… my complacency stabs my back first.I usually am a NO RISK person, but sugar coated words deceive me, it’s hard to pick then.

    • Better to be deceived than become a deceiver. It’s hard when we try to live open, honest, transparent lives void of manipulation only to discover someone has used our traits to take advantage of us.

      Yet, if I’m going to have the decision on how I’m going to live my life, I’m going to choose to go with the former and avoid the latter. When all is said and done, when I get up in the morning, nobody else looks in the mirror for me. Believe me, it is better to be satisfied with who looks back than anything else.

      Be encouraged!

  7. Great post. I myself am in a workplace which is like this. Work place politics is absolute and will always have its place unfortunately. I have found over the years that the post you wrote is not just active within the workplace, but is also found consistently in friendships.

    I personally have had friends one lot after the other who are two-faced, deceitful, nasty people who behave in this way to climb the social ladder. People choose to have friends who are dishonest, deceitful and many other things, rather than having no friends.

    I believe it has become a pretty low standard in general across the board for society as a whole. Sadly enough, the majority will always rule and if it is deemed by most to behave badly, then the behaviour is changed from wrong to right.

    Having morals and values is now frowned upon in a lot of situations and the difference between right and wrong is getting completely blurred by the majority deeming it ok as they choose to behave in ways that would have been classed as wrong 15 years ago. I myself have been called self-righteous because I said that cheating on your partner is wrong no matter what the circumstance.

    Just throwing my two cents in. 🙂

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