LifeRevelation

Life is a Revelation…be encouraged

Archive for the category “worry”

A Personal Story

http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Depressed-Man-Sitting-in-Dark-Room-Posters_i8654375_.htm

A Personal Story 

Let me tell you a personal story.

Several years ago a friend of mine was driving me someplace. I don’t remember where, and it doesn’t matter. We were laughing and talking about who knows what. Probably the kind of things men talk about when it is only men, which means sex. It was a perfect summer day. The sky was crystal blue without a cloud from horizon to horizon and the sun was warm, but not hot.

As he was driving he began to steer the car toward the curb and decrease his speed. Since I was always on the alert, due to the kind of life I was living, I immediately began to evaluate the situation. I know he sensed the rising tension within me, because his next words were, “Relax Steve, I only want to ask you one question.”  I still wasn’t entirely convinced, but this was my best friend. He knew all about what I did to earn my seven-figure a year income, because he was my right-hand man in the organization I had built. While I always kept at least a few things to myself as insurance, he knew enough, and was as deeply involved as I was, which was a kind of insurance in and of itself. Of course there was always the threat he might want to take the quick route to the top of the food chain, but I didn’t believe he had it in him to pull the trigger, at least not at close range in the front seat of his car. Nonetheless, it was always good to be cautious, so my right hand inched slowly to the inside of my jacket.

When the car had come to a stop, he reached over and shut off the engine. The stereo died and all I could hear was the rush of traffic along the freeway and my heart beat, pounding a mile a minute. He shifted his weight in the seat and turned to face me. The look on his face is still crystal clear in my mind over three decades later, as I heard him ask,

“Steve, don’t you think it would have been better for all of us, if you had never been born?”

I felt like all the oxygen had suddenly been sucked out of the car. There was a ringing in my ears, more than likely from the sudden surge of adrenaline. I was engulfed in the most complete silence I have ever experienced. I no longer heard the cars as they whizzed by. Nor did I hear the birds chirping in the nearby trees. It was just the ringing and the vast silence.

I don’t recall what I stammered out, but his question hit the mark. I carried that question with me. During quiet moments I would take it out and think about it. What was my worth? Why am I alive? What is this thing we flippantly refer to as life? What am I doing here? Why am I here?

It would be many more years before I would have my “life revelation” and find the answer to those questions.  Those were dark years. Not that I didn’t learn from them, I did. But I learned the hard way.

Now I am far removed from the events of those years. I have created an entirely different person from the one who lived in those times. One of my readers once wrote and said I was “plagued” by my past. I’ve given considerable thought to that sentiment. I believe the reader is/was wrong. I am not “plagued” by the choices I once made. I am well aware of them and the impact they had on me and others at the time.  But the operative word in the last sentence is “had.” No longer am I governed by those actions. I have a deep passion to help others find their True Path in life. I have discovered we only get a set number of years and wasting them by floundering around seeking our direction is counter productive to what we want to accomplish.

But plagued? No way! I have triumphed over that life! I have come out on the other side victorious! I did so with the patience and love of the one I am now married to. She saw the possibilities. She had/has the faith.

This post is difficult to end. I don’t have a nice and tidy wrap-up. I am not inclined to rally the troops and lead you in any type of charge. I just want you to know if your love is filled with drama, more or less it doesn’t matter, there is hope. You can change. I can show you how.

Or if you have that person in your life who no matter what you do, they never change. You have poured time, money, effort, prayers, and everything else you could think of into their lives and they never change. I can tell you not to give up hope. There is and always will be the possibility, even up to and including the moment they draw their last breath, that they can change.

I know…I use to be one of them.

I am always available to talk…stephenedwards922@gmail.com or 812-314-1358.

Be encouraged!

 

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What Me Worry?

Image from http://www.worshiphousemedia.com/mini-movies/14588/Worry

WORRY

I’ve got a confession and from the title of this post you are probably well on your way to guessing what it is. Yes, I worry. It all started back when I was about three years old. I was born and raised in small farming community in central Illinois. I believe my hometown’s total population at the time was 630 people, it is even less now. My hometown’s claim to fame was from being at the crossroads of Rt 136 and US 66. Before the invention of the interstate this was a very big deal. Truckers traveled both roads extensively and we were the home of Dixie Trucker’s Home.

It started out as this..

http://www.cart66pf.org/66caravan/roadlog47.htm

But by the time I came it looked more like this… 

Image from http://www.route66university.com/photos/postcard_46/slides/dixie2_mcl.html

 It is hard to imagine, but behind the photographer is US 66, on the other side of the restaurant is Rt. 136 and the road you see connects the two. Beyond Rt 136 and two houses up on the right would be the home my Dad brought Mom and I to, after my birth. The house was nothing fancy (not much in hometown is), but it was a great place to grow up. Not shown in this photograph is the huge semi-truck parking lot directly to the right.  Hundreds of semis parked there and depending on their destinations they would pull out on the road you see in the photograph and either head to the left for US 66 or to the right for Rt 136.

For me those turning right to proceed to Rt 136 were the problem. Somehow in my young mind the concept of brakes and their function hadn’t taken root yet. So for my little three old mind when I would be playing in the front yard and the these huge semi trucks pulling 48 foot long trailers would come roaring down to the intersection, I was never completely convinced they wouldn’t keep on coming up my street veer to their right and run me over. Why I thought this I don’t have a clue. I never worried when I was in the car with my Dad that he couldn’t stop at each stop sign, nor did any truck driver ever give any indication at all that he might barrel on through the intersection and head my way. Nonetheless, each time a semi came toward Rt 136, I would run over and hide behind the front porch, watching carefully, completely convinced of the inevitability of my imminent demise.

That was the first worry I can remember and I was greatly relieved when we moved from that home at the age of five to a home that contained no death threats. Since then I have had more worries than I can count. Some have been warranted, such as when our youngest was deployed during two tours of duty, one to Iraq and the other to Afghanistan. Others, I am ashamed to admit, have been just as irrational as the first.

As I’ve gotten older and more in tune with how I function in life, I have tried to weed out those irrational worries. Sometimes I’ve been successful and other times, well let’s just say, occasionally my worries seem to have long talons. I’ve listed some ideas below that experts recommend:

  1. Address the worry. Put a name to it and know why you are worried about it.
  2. Indulge the worry. The idea being if you analyze it enough the worry loses its powerful grip.
  3. Get uncomfortable. Do the uncomfortable thing that is making you worry.
  4. Make a decision. Is it a good worry, like you need to get something done or is it a bad worry you can’t do anything about.
  5. Don’t rush it. Many times you feel you need to do something, don’t make a rash decision, take your time.
  6. It is never as bad as you think it is. This is a big one, our minds can reach for some far out ideas when we are worried.
  7. Talk about it. Sharing your worries tends to lessen their impact.

Think about what has you worried in life. Talk about it to someone you trust. I know everyone reading this knows that life is too short to lose precious time to worrying, yet we do. All of us do, but join with me, and let’s try to do it less and stop frittering away anymore of the time we have left.

Be encouraged!

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